A Day in the Life of...

10:00 AM - Wake up. Stretch and yawn. Get out of coffin.
10:02 AM - Remove "sleeping hat." Put on "walking around hat."
10:05 AM - Weigh self on scale that gives output in pounds. Convert to kilograms in your head. Check work by weighing self on scale that gives output in kilograms. If correct, smile and nod to self with hands on hips. If incorrect, just shake head in disappointment.
10:08 AM - Brush teeth. If already brushed teeth the night before, disregard.
10:10 AM - Prepare self a mimosa. If no orange juice available, just drink champagne. If no champagne available, huff glue.
10:20 AM - Order more glue.
10:30 AM - Call in bomb scare to work. No work today!
11:00 AM - Go to corner store for breakfast, chat with cashier named Amy, who doesn't know you're dating each other.
11:35 AM - Expose self to passing cars.
11:36 AM - Run from police.
11:50 AM - Bring sack full of cats to Chinatown, to trade for new nunchucks.
NOON - Go to neighbor's house, show Timothy that you do in fact have nunchucks.
12:30 PM - Cat nap.
12:50-1:37 PM - Have staring contest with mirror. Note time in "staring log." If time goes up, smile and nod to self with hands on hips. If time goes down, just shake head in disappointment.
2:00 PM - Find a murder to investigate. If no murder cases available, murder Timothy. (Obviously, this will be an easy case to solve, but at least the killing itself will eat up some time).
3:30 PM - Eat up some food.
3:45 PM - Cat nap (in case first one didn't take).
4:05 PM - Check on the rat cages.
4:25 PM - Answer Vogue's letters to the editor, even though they never asked me to.
5:00 PM - Amy gets off work about this time. Bring her a birthday rat (maybe a neckerchief on the rat?).
5:10 PM - Run from police.
5:30 PM - Yell, for no reason.
5:31 PM - Make sure Timegate is in the off position. If Timegate is turned on, search house for stray dinosaurs. If dinosaur is found, lure it back into Timegate with a big, juicy rat.
6:00 PM - Dinner time. Cook a big, juicy rat.
7:30 PM - Work on flamethrower mechanism for giant mechanical crab.
8:00 PM - Time for another cat nap (possible iron deficiency?).
8:20 PM - Call Amy's house phone.
8:21 PM - Hang up phone quickly.
8:30-10:00 PM - Practice swordsmanship with katana, just in case dream about being killed by your landlord was actually a prophecy.
10:10 PM - Bring landlord rent money in gold bullion. Look for clues in his apartment...
10:30 PM - Howl at the moon, for no good reason.
11:30 PM - Use Timegate to go back to 10 o'clock this morning and wake yourself up.
12:30 AM - Brush teeth. If already brushed teeth within last 24 hours, rinse mouth out with diet cola.
12:35 AM - Remove "walking around hat." Put on "almost ready for bed hat."
12:36 AM - Remove "almost ready for bed hat." Put on " sleeping hat."
12:40 AM - Climb into coffin (look out for rats).
1:00 AM - Fall asleep to sweet, sultry sound of voices in head.