TV Show Ideas

1. "In a Pool of Blood" - This would be a buddy cop drama, where one cop is black and the other cop (his buddy) is a vampire, who is possibly also black. Originally there was supposed to be a running gag about the black human cop's name being "Blacula," and when they showed up to interrogate someone for a case, he'd say "Detectives Blacula and Daye." And the guy they were interrogating would assume the vampire cop's name was "Blacula" because he was like a black Dracula, but his name was Daye--this misunderstanding would often be hilarious. This gag was scrapped when I found out there was a movie called Blacula. Also, the fact that the vampire cop's name was "Daye" would cause tension by reminding the viewer of the fact that sunlight would cause the vampire to burst into flame.

2. "Frat BoyZ" - This is like a reality show about frat boys, but with the "s" changed to a "Z," which would make them more edgy and street. Every week, the boyz (let's say their names are David, Serg, "Da Koop," and Mr. Frog) would get involved in hijinks, or sometimes shenanigans. One week, David might have to drive Serg to pick up his girlfriend at the airport, but they'd get lost, and they would call Da Koop, but his phone is off, so they just get his voicemail. That's actually a terrible example, but if you imagine how mad Serg's girlfriend would be, it's kind of funny. Also, there would be a website where you could ask the boyz some questions.

3. "The Cat Whisperer" - People would call up this cat expert to come over to their house and help them out with a "problem cat." Then the cameras would zoom in real close and you'd see him whisper some stuff in the cat's ear, and the cat would start cleaning up the house, or serving the owner tea. The only difficult part would be finding a person with this kind of magic power over cats. If one can't be found, we could probably just rig the cat up with marionette strings and make it look like he was doing chores. Either way, the basic premise is very sound.

4. "Cockfighting Tonight!" - This would be a high-class gentleman's betting show, similar to "HBO Boxing," only instead of highly trained human fighters, we would rile up a couple of roosters with razor blades tied to their feet. We could also have celebrity commentators. I was thinking Colonel Sanders would be good, but then I realized he was dead, so maybe just his ghost, if we can find out which agency represents him. (Note to self: possible crossover episode featuring cat whisperer? Investigate further...)

5. "Monday Night Cockfighting" - Obviously, television's cockfighting needs won't be served by just one night of cockfighting a week.

6. "Extreme Cockfighting League" - This would be a third cockfighting show, but without a lot of the gentlemanly rules of the first two cockfighting shows. It would feature ladder matches and "melee" fights that had upwards of twenty or so roosters fighting at once. If possible, handguns will be attached to some roosters, as well as some sort of rigging so they can pull the trigger with their wings.

7. "That's Not My Son!" - I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

8. "Are You Smarter Than Your Mirror Image?" - A quiz-game style show where you try to buzz in and answer questions before your reflection in a mirror does. (Note: for obvious reasons, vampires will not be allowed on the show)

9. "Sexy Horse" - This show tells the story of a woman who moves to the big city to find love. Also, she has the head of a horse, so dating is difficult for her. Most of the scenes would involve her discussing the men in her life with Randi, the gay latino that lives next door to her. She works in a bakery, so she can be around all the apples, which for her are like kryptonite, only instead of killing her, they make her want to eat apples. Anyway, her main love interest is this blind guy that doesn't know she has a horse's head, and there are a bunch of contrived plots where he almost finds out about her deformity. This show is about loving yourself for who you are.

10. "The Gamble-Hound" - A western with a twist. Taking place in an old Colorado shanty town called Little Creek, it features a cowboy named Spud who gets deputized right before the sheriff dies, meaning he's the only law. He spends his time protecting the good citizens and handing out life lessons. The twist is that the town is actually in Nevada, and Spud's name is really Darren. Oh, and Nevada is actually on a spaceship. A spaceship filled with vampires.