Reviews of the AFI Top Ten

Thoughts on the American Film Institute Top Ten List of Movies:

1. Citizen Kane (1941) - This movie is about a rich guy who dies saying "Rosebud," probably because his favorite flower was a rose his bud had given him (I started watching this movie really late and fell asleep). The back of the dvd box said this movie was the first to use a moving camera. Geez, guy, you're giving me vertigo with all that shaking! 1/2 star.

2. The Godfather (1972) - I was very excited to see this movie, because I thought it would be about God's dad, who I could only assume was even more powerful and easily angered. Could the Godfather ground God? Would we see God get spanked? No. Instead it was about a foolish mob boss or some other such nonsense. 1 star.

3. Casablanca (1942) - One of the worst travel brochures I have ever seen, narrated by some guy with a melted face. You'd think they didn't even want tourists! 1 star.

4. Raging Bull (1980) - I waited the whole movie to see the bull that everyone was talking about, but none ever showed up (not even a regular, non-raging type). Maybe bulls were expensive back then. Instead, there was a bunch of boxing scenes. They should have called it Raging Boxer instead; otherwise it doesn't make sense. -1 star (add 2 extra stars if you imagine the main character as a bull).

5. Singin' in the Rain (1952) - Apparently some movie about a gay weatherman. 1 1/2 stars.

6. Gone with the Wind (1939) - This just didn't make sense; if this takes place during the civil war, before movie cameras were invented, then how are they filming it? No stars.

7. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) - I didn't enjoy this movie, because I saw it the same day I found out my house was haunted. No stars.

8. Schindler's List (1993) - This movie is about the holocaust, which is depressing. They should have made it about something happy, like Santa's list. 1 star (add extra star if you imagine the main character as Santa).

9. Vertigo (1958) - This movie was okay, but for sheer vertigo-like effects, you really need to see Citizen Kane. 1/2 star.

10. The Wizard of Oz (1939) - This movie was so inaccurate and full of plot holes! Everyone knows flying monkeys need to be fed blood, or they climb back in their cocoons. And the witch was killed by water? That water wasn't even blessed by the vampire pope! I was going to give this movie no stars, but then I read on the internet that a midget hanged himself in the background of one of the scenes. 3 stars.